


Nobody Matters Like You

by Iki_victuri, lesbianclout



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Dialogue Heavy, Dorks in Love, Insecurity, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iki_victuri/pseuds/Iki_victuri, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianclout/pseuds/lesbianclout
Summary: Sometimes, more often than Yuuri likes to admit, he has bad days.or: When Yuuri gets anxious and insecure, Victor is always there to help.





	

Sometimes, more often than Yuuri likes to admit, he has bad days.

He’ll wake up, sun will be pouring through the curtains onto the bed and Victor will be pressed against his side. Makkachin would be lying at his feet and nothing would have to be done for hours yet. As nice as this is every other morning, Yuuri can still wake up to this and have a bad start to the day. His chest will be tight as if he was just in a suspenseful dream, and his head will be swirling with doubts and the memories of past mistakes. The anxiety would bring tears to his eyes as if it were a Pavlovian response. Victor being draped over his body didn't bring the usual swell of happiness but the feeling of entrapment, only furthering an awful start to what should be a slow morning with the person he loves.

Most of the time Yuuri’s self confidence is fine, at least not as bad as it was before Victor, but on certain days he can't help but question what he did to deserve the life he’s currently living (and what he has to do to keep it for as long as possible). It's a cycle of misery that leads Yuuri further and further down the rabbit hole of self-hatred.

It was about 10 minutes into Yuuri suffering alone when Victor began to stir, tightening his arms around Yuuri’s waist and pulling him close.

“Good morning, _solnyshko_.” Victor mumbled, his voice scratchy with sleep. He pulled himself up to look over Yuuri’s shoulder to see his face, hesitating when he saw the other boy with tear filled eyes, a solemn expression painting his face. “Yuuri? What’s the matter?”

Yuuri has never been the most vocal when he’s feeling bad, finding it hard to form words that accurately describe what he’s feeling. He also still fears becoming a burden on others, though most of the time he feel embarrassed just thinking that.

“I don't know, I just don't feel good.”

“Are you sick? I can go down to the store and get some medicine, I don't think we have anything.” Victor was quick to sit up in the bed, and this only made Yuuri’s heart clench more. Of course Victor would run to the store at the crack of dawn just because Yuuri wasn't feeling good, he was just too perfect that way.

Yuuri sat up with him, trying to stop Victor from jumping out of the bed and buying the entire health section of the local store. “No! No, I'm not sick I'm just, I'm not sure-nervous I guess.”

“Have you been taking your meds?” Victor asked cautiously.

Yuuri nodded.

“What are you feeling nervous about?”

“Nothing, at least at first it was nothing. I just can't stop...thinking.”

Victor hummed, sliding his hands into Yuuri’s. “What are you thinking?” He asked running his thumb over Yuuri’s knuckles.

“I’m thinking about…” Yuuri paused, how could he explain this without sounding like an idiot? “I’ve just been thinking about how small I am. I’m just feeling….insignificant.”

"That's not a good feeling at all, _moya lyubov’_. What could possibly make you feel like that?" Victor spoke in a gentle way, the pet names falling off his tongue like nothing. It was probably embarrassing how much of a comfort it was to Yuuri.

"I don't know I just, don't feel very--important."

There was a pause as Yuuri watched a wide range of emotions flicker across Victor’s face in a matter of seconds. Confusion, pain, and then realization before settling into thoughtfulness.

Victor spoke up after a few moments, "Do you want to hear a story, Yuuri?"

Yuuri nodded, "Sure, if you want."

Victor was quiet for a few moments. Yuuri could only assume he was choosing his words carefully, Victor always seemed to go quiet when he was doing that.

“I don’t know if you know this Yuuri, but when I was younger I decided that I was going to be alone for a long time. I believe I talked about it to a magazine once when they kept pestering me about being single.” Victor said, breaking the silence. Yuuri could tell he was trying not to get emotional, Victor’s voice always dropped a bit lower when he was trying to keep his emotions in check.

Yuuri knows of this interview. He remembers reading it when that month’s issue was released, pre-ordered it since it was a special issue all about Victor and there wasn’t universe out there where Yuuri didn’t try to get his hands on that. Yuuri remembers crying at the section Victor is now referring to, remembers pulling his blankets over his head when he was rereading it in bed later that same day, trying to hide the tears that persistently managed to well up. He remembers looking at his poster covered wall in his small Detroit dorm room and thinking how can this man possibly think he won’t find love?, but most distinctly he remembers finding some small comfort knowing his idol feels just as alone as he did in the world they share.

Yuuri nodded, prompting Victor to continue.

“I talked about how I didn’t expect love to find me anytime soon, and I genuinely believed that, Yuuri. Technically I wasn’t wrong, you wouldn’t come into my life for five years, but that’s not the point.”

" _Vitya..._ " Yuuri whispered, getting Victor to look him back in the eyes. Unlike Victor, Yuuri couldn’t control his emotions with ease. He cried easily, and of course Victor knew this by now, but seeing the shine the new tears brought to Yuuri’s eyes made Victor’s wall crumble.

“Let me finish, Yuuri.” Victor said, without a hint of frustration in his voice, only softness. “I want you to hear this.”

Yuuri listened

"Back then I had no idea how someone else could change my life like you have. You give everything I do purpose. I can say without hesitation that you are the most important person to me in the world, you are anything but small and insignificant. You’ve showed me more love than I ever thought I would get.”

Yuuri couldn't deny the pools of tears that built up and threatened to fall. Hiding into Victor’s neck, Yuuri felt the wet tracks start to form down his face.

Victor held him tight, “And I’m not the only one, Yuuri. You bring happiness to everyone around you, I don’t understand how you don’t see it.”

Yuuri shuttered as he sobbed in earnest now. He was always an ugly cryer, his tears welling up and dropping in fat drops. He nodded, which seemed to be enough for Victor who pulled the other close. His hand coming up and resting on the base of Yuuri’s neck, brushing his hairline in a soothing way.

“Shh _moya lyubov’_ , my Yuuri. It’ll all be okay, don't cry.”

Yuuri was having a lot of trouble stopping, how could be when Victor started saying things like that? God, every word that comes out of his mouth feels like a giant relief on all of his fears. Victor has got a lot better at comforting in the past year, being as open as they are with each other probably helped that a lot. Yuuri tried to even out his breaths as he settled down, focusing on the patterns Victor was drawing on his neck.

“I've just been so worried, it's like I'm just waiting for something to happen. Something to take this away from me.” Yuuri sounded hoarse, the tears may have stopped but the tightness remains. The feeling of _watchoutwatchout_ without a cause. “Anything could happen to either of us and in that split second I could lose all of this. I don’t doubt that you love me, Victor. _I don’t_ , but sometimes it's hard to not question what I’d do if you started to regret this, everything you've done for me, because of me.”

Victor was listening patiently, and Yuuri must have done something amazing in his past life to deserve him. He knew he sounded irrational, he knew both him and Victor would fight to keep them together.

For better or for worse Yuuri’s brain reminds him. Not like their situation could be considered ‘worse’ right now, but knowing his thoughts are unreasonable doesn't stop him from thinking them.

“There isn't a day that could come where I would regret you Yuuri, you must know that by now.” Victor was moving his hand down now, brushing small lines down Yuuri’s back with his fingertips, reminding Yuuri to breathe. “Have I ever done something to make you think otherwise?”

Yuuri shook his head, “No, which is why this makes me sound stupid.”

“Not stupid, Yuuri. Never stupid. If I have to reassure you more often that you're all I could ever want then I’ll do that. I don't think it’ll be too hard.”

Yuuri cracked a smile, he didn’t know how he got through his anxiety before Victor. He tries not to think of those times, only bad memories surrounding them. Victor was a god send for being so good with this, so calm and logical. It took a while to get to this point, Yuuri can’t help but recall the first time he cried in front of the other man.

Should I just kiss you or something?

It’s laughable now, how Victor reacted. It was a tense time, both with the competition and with the ambiguity of their relationship. They were younger, unsure. It was so different now, Victor doesn’t bat an eye to comfort Yuuri when he’s crying. It was so much more than Yuuri ever thought he was going to get.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Yuuri mumbled after a while, feeling properly drained both mentally and physically.

“You didn't do anything, you didn't have to do anything.” Victor sounded calmer as well, the tremor in his voice gone. “I would have loved you regardless.”

Victor then pulled Yuuri up from where he was leaning on his shoulder, cradling his head in his hands and forcing Yuuri to maintain eye contact. Victor’s eyes were red rimmed, it made Yuuri’s heart clench. “Do I have to repeat my vows? Because I can, word for word.”

Yuuri smiled, “No Victor, I think I remember them.”

“Really? Because I can refresh your memory more if you would like.” Victor cleared his throat in an over dramatic way before starting, “Yuuri, I do not think there are words to properly express what you have given me.”

“Victor.”

“The happiness you have gifted me is more than I ever thought I would experience.”

“ _Vitya._ ”

“Yes?”

“ _Ya lyublyu tebya._ ”

Victor smiled, pulling Yuuri back into him and holding tight. “I love you too, Yuuri. _K zvezdam i spine_.”

**Author's Note:**

> solnyshko - sunshine  
> moya lyubov’ - my love  
> ya lyublyu tebya - I love you  
> k zvezdam i spine - to the stars and back
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated (/^▽^)/ Thanks to Collette Iki-victuri for being the best beta around and making this readable <3


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